Do you see me now?
I constantly feel
like someone’s watching me ever since I’ve gotten to college. The constant
paranoia is just something that I’ve learned to live with. It comes with the
territory of having a serious anxiety problem. I know nothings there and that it’s
probably just my imagination. But one day, it changed. It went from just a dull
air of paranoia to something very, very real. I was sitting in my room at my
desk and all of a sudden the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I felt
eyes on me. Something was there and it was looking at me. I slowly turned to
the window and peered through the half open blinds.
Directly across
from my window is another window in the building across the parking lot. It was
the only window with a light on, but nothing seemed to be there. I shook off
the feeling and went back to working. I got up from my desk and went to get
some water from the hall to water my plants. When I returned I walked up to my
window, poured the water into the pot and watched it filter through the dirt. I
turned around to go put the cup away, but froze. The feeling was back. I felt a
strong gaze on me. I slowly rounded to face to window.
There was a figure
standing in the window across the way. It was looking right at me and seemed to
be staring into my soul. A chill went through me when it tilted its head to the
side and began to wave at me. I grabbed onto my desk for support and pinched
myself to see if this was a dream. I clenched my eyes closed and rubbed them
furiously. When I opened them and looked to the window, the figure was gone and
the light was off. Hmm…that’s odd. I
thought. I tried to shrug it off and went to sleep.
I only told one of
my friends about what happened the night before. She was constantly telling me
about her paranormal experiences and all the ghost sightings around campus, so
I figured she might have some insight to give. Our campus was extremely haunted
due to the fact that most of the buildings are really old. All the ghosts were
mapped out and everyone knew all the things to look out for. I regaled my best
friend, Lizzie, with the story of the ghost in the window.
“Does
that sound like any of the usual campus ghosts?” I asked while she looked deep
in thought, her head cocked to the side and her brow furrowed. She silently got
up and began rifling through her ghost sighting journals. She does this a lot.
When you ask her a question and she gets to thinking she doesn’t talk until she
has a definite answer to your question. I flopped on her bed because I know
this could take a while. I stared at the cheesy inspirational quote posters
that Lizzie had tacked to her ceiling. The nature shots behind the swirling
words of positivity were absolutely mesmerizing. You could get lost in the
colors for hours. A sudden sigh from the floor brought me back to reality. I
sat up and looked at Lizzie sitting on the floor surrounded by journals that
had been furiously scrawled in. With a look of defeat she gazed up at me.
“Nope.
There have been no ghosts that match that description on campus before. On top
of that, none have ever been seen in the building you saw it in. That building
was only built a few years ago, and before that it was just a continuation of
the quad. So there is little reason for there to be a ghost there. Hmm…I’m
intrigued. I’ll look into it. If you see it again you should call me,” she
explained in one long-winded breath. I promised I would call her if it appeared
again. With that, I had to go to class. I went through my day like normal, not
really thinking about it.
After dinner I
walked back to my room alone. It wasn’t an especially quiet night. There were
the ever-present drone of sirens and cars driving by in the distance. As I
walked across the quad my footsteps echoed in the air. I nonchalantly looked
behind me because I had thought I heard another set of footsteps. Nothing was
there. Must be the echo. I kept
walking and heard it again. I came to an abrupt stop, but the footsteps
continued. I spun around and there was no one in sight. I began walking faster
toward the dorm. The footstep sound remained at a steady pace while my
footsteps grew fast and frightened. When I got to the door of the dorm I
stopped and looked behind me. I thought I saw a shadow peering around a tree,
but I quickly ran inside.
As soon as I
reached my room I locked the door. I walked over to my mirror and gave myself a
mental pep talk. Hey, I know you’re
freaking out right now, but that was probably nothing. You’re just tired and
paranoid. It’s your over active imagination, nothing’s after you. I took a
few deep breaths and went to close my blinds so I could change into pajamas.
“Holy shit.” I
exclaimed. There it was again. The figure was in the lit window. I grabbed my
phone without taking my eyes off the window. “Call Lizzie.” I told Siri, and as
the phone rang my eye contact with the figure did not falter. It stopped
ringing as she picked up. “LIZZIE. It’s there again. I am staring right at it.
Come here quick.” I could hear her door slam open down the hall. As her feet
pounded down the hall the figure almost seemed to give me the most disturbing
mischievous smile. My door opened as Lizzie came bursting in. “Come on look.” I
turned to Lizzie and motion out the window.
“Belle, there’s
nothing there…” she said trailing off. I looked back to the window and the
light was off and the figure was gone. I stood there astonished. “Hey, maybe
you should sit down, are you sure you’re feeling alright? Maybe you’ve got low
blood sugar.” I could feel that she didn’t really believe me. Her voice was
dripping with it. I sat down on my chair. Maybe
she’s right. Maybe I just haven’t been eating enough. I have been lightheaded
lately.
“You’re probably
right. It’s fine. I’ll just go to sleep. I will probably feel better tomorrow.”
I muttered while shaking my head in disbelief. I was lying to myself. Maybe if
I tell myself it hard enough I will believe it.
Bloop! My computer sounded. A message
from an unknown number came up.
I see you.
Who the hell are you?
I see you.
This isn’t funny. I’ll block you.
You can try.
I took a deep
breath in as I slid my fingers across the track pad to block the number. After
I clicked the confirm box, I closed my eyes and tried to de-stress. I must’ve
been really tired because I fell right to sleep at my desk. I awoke to the sun
pouring through my open blinds. Shit,
I exclaimed in my head, I had a paper to
finish last night and I fell asleep. Ugh, I’m screwed. I went to the
bathroom and returned to furiously work on my paper until class. The rest of
the day was a blur of textbooks and mindless boring conversation with people. Soon
it was night again and I found myself lying on my floor listening to music
wondering where the day had gone.
Bloop! I sat up after hearing my
computer ring. It was a message notification. I looked at the clock as it
changed to 2:53am. Who the hell is
texting me at this hour? It better be Lizzie or a really cute boy or I will be
very disappointed. I pushed myself up off the floor and went over to the
computer. I clicked into the messaging app and was faced with a picture of me.
It looked like it was taken with a crappy cell phone camera. It was of me in my
room, at my desk and judging by the angle it seemed to be taken from the window
across from my room. I looked to the sender and it was the same mystery number from
the night before. But I blocked it. For a second the thought of the figure from
the other day in the window flashed into my brain. I slowly looked up from my
computer screen and turned to face to window.
There it was. Standing
in the window. Staring at me. I quickly got up and pulled the blinds shut. I
backed away from the window and slid down the wall until I was seated on the
floor with my knees clutched to my chest. I was so frazzled that I didn’t sleep
for the rest of the night.
The next day I was
cranky to say the least. I pumped myself full of coffee that morning. Caffeine
was the only was I would make it through the next day without falling on my
face. I woke up and threw on sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt. I donned my
sunglasses, not ready to face the day. Between the coffee and the stress I was
on edge. Every step felt forced and every movement filled with paranoia. Everywhere
I went, I felt it watching. I could hear its footsteps. I started to see it
more often too. I think it was getting bolder, tired of hiding.
Bloop! I sank to the floor and couldn’t
breathe. Please don’t let it be from it. I
don’t think my heart can take much more of this. Bloop! Minutes later it
sounded again, pestering me to check it. I slowly rose and headed towards the
desk. In the center of the screen was the message.
Do you know who I am?
You’re the figure in the window.
Do you know who I am?
No. I don’t know who the hell you are.
You can’t escape me.
A picture popped
up but it was just a box. As I watched the grey pixels slowly transform into an
image, my jaw dropped. It was me again. This time, I was leaned over a bathroom
sink tearing at my hair. It was a moment that had happened earlier that day. I was
stressed and trying not to break down in the middle of class so I had excused
myself to go to the bathroom to try and chill out. I thought I was alone.
Evidently I wasn’t. Clearly I am never alone.
How
the hell are you getting these pictures?
You
don’t see me.
Of
course I freaking don’t see you. You’re a ghost or whatever.
You don’t see me.
I thought I was alone.
No
response. I got up and figured I would go shower to clear my head. I stripped
down and grabbed my towel and soaps. I slipped on my shower shoes and walked to
the bathroom. The water was freezing when I first turned it on. I spun the
handle all the way around, to as hot as it could go. After a minute or two the
shower was hot and soon the shower stall was steaming up. I closed my eyes to
rinse the conditioner out of my hair and I just let the water wash over me. It
was so calming.
“Holy
shit!” I exclaimed when I opened my eyes. On the other side of the frosted
shower door was the figure. Just a black mass standing there like a blur. I
wrenched the handle down so the water would turn off and I grabbed my towel.
The figure just continued to stare right at my eyes. It lifted a hand to reach
out and touch the door. It left its handprint in the steam. As it turned and
walked away I could hear it whisper “Belle….” I fell to the ground and just
cried. I was terrified. I thought I was going crazy, but I knew it was real. It
had to be. The things that were happening were to real for it to be all in my
head. My best friend didn’t believe me. I was totally alone in dealing with
this.
I
wiped the tears off my face and dried myself off. Once back in my room I put on
clothes and a sweatshirt. I laced up my boots like I was ready for battle. I
snatched my keys from the table and shoved them in my pocket. I barreled
through the door and down the stairs. I walked and walked until I was in an
open field. I just stood there and waited. After a few minutes I could feel it
there.
“Hey!
Come here and talk to me. I’m done beating around the bush. I want answers.” I
shouted across the emptiness. All of a sudden the figure appeared in front of
me, this time much clearer than ever before. It was a boy dressed in all black.
He looked to be about my age and seemed familiar but I didn’t think I had ever
seen him before. “Who are you?” I demanded, my hands shoved far down into my
sweatshirt pockets. Even though I could make out his features now, his image
still had a blurred quality to it.
“You
really don’t know who I am? How typical. I was in every one of your classes
last semester and I have sat with you during lunch on multiple occasions.” He
stammered while his image seemed to waver in the wind.
“I
honestly have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t think I have ever seen
you before in my life.” I stammered, my face contorted in confusion.
“My
name is Kurt. I tried to get you to notice me everyday. But you ignored me. I
could be right next to you and you just wouldn’t acknowledge me. I didn’t exist
to you. You were too busy being Ms. Positive and Social. The last time you saw
me was at that party where the big fight broke out. I kept trying to talk to
you and one of your boys decided to pummel me. You stood there and laughed, with
no recollection that I had been trying to talk to you for the past 2 months. I
died that night of internal bleeding on the walk home. I always saw you. You
didn’t even know who I was. You never saw me. You just wouldn’t…” with that
last word he trailed off. I could feel the anger and frustration radiating from
him.
“Oh
I do remember you. You asked me out a few times and tried to hit on me at
parties…but you were always so…weird.” I muttered the last word. In a flash of
rage, he was gone and I was left standing alone on the quad.
After
that, Kurt disappeared. I didn’t feel watched anymore. I didn’t see him in the
window. Everything seemed to have gone back to normal. About a month later I
had finally gotten the courage up to resume my midnight walks around campus. I
walked to the quad and was struck by the odd silence. It was usually this quiet
but that night the silence felt uncomfortable. I felt a quick blow to my
stomach and I flew backwards. I fell to the ground as another punch came from
behind. After what felt like 10 minutes of punches and kicks from an invisible
source, I was lying on the ground almost unconscious. Suddenly it felt like
someone was sitting on my chest and when I looked up, it was Kurt. I tried to
muster words but nothing would come out. I couldn’t breathe from the weight on
my lungs. As I was struggling to find air, Kurt leaned down and whispered the
last things I would ever hear.
“Do
you see me now?”
